The Top 3 Songs That Got Me Through My Loss

The next part of Sweet Pea's story will inevitably be the hardest for me to recount to you. Even now, almost 10 months later, I will probably weep uncontrollably as I tell it... With that in mind, I want to take a break from Sweet Pea's story to tell you ways that I coped with this devastating loss...

I am a music therapist by trait (and for any music therapists who may stumble across my blog, I am indeed board certified) so I suppose it was natural for me to gravitate towards music to find healing. And gravitate I surely did... My poor husband had to listen to the same album on repeat for weeks on end because it was the only way I could process my loss. The following are the top 3 songs that got me through the weeks and months after we lost Sweet Pea.

I Have to Believe - Rita Springer

This song was a Godly gift from a friend at exactly the moment that I needed it. She texted me and said "Listen to Rita Springer 'I Have to Believe.' I felt like I needed to share that with you. Just know I'm here! If you need anything!". I listened to the song on repeat for days after we found out that we would never meet our Sweet Pea. The first verse spoke to me the most during the first few days after our doctors appointment: "I have to believe that He sees my darkness. I have to believe that He knows my pain." He does know, He truly does and He is faithful. My dear friend spoke so many encouraging words over me during those dark days as well as constantly lifting me up in prayer and letting me know that she was lifting me up. Words of encouragement were probably the most touching thing my friends could do for me during that time.... And prayer - knowing that I had prayer warriors behind me when I didn't know how to pray myself was phenomenal. 

Jennifer - thank you for speaking truth, encouragement, and life into me and my family during our darkest hour. Thank you for reminding me that He is forever faithful.

Never Once - Matt Redman

I couldn't actually listen to sing for awhile without hysterically crying. I knew that I was in the midst of the battle, but the most comforting and healing part of this song was the reminder that I was never alone. I used to change the words as I would sing along to the song to say "Never once did I ever walk alone. Never once did you leave ME on MY own." It made the song seem very real and very personal and I needed that. It's important to remember to apply the lyrics in these worship choruses to yourself and your relationship with God. Changing the words to reflect upon myself helped me to really connect to God on a deeper, more intimate, more personal level - especially during a time when I wasn't sure how to even find Him.

Rest in Me - Dennis Jernigan

Unfortunately, there isn't a video link for this one. HOWEVER, this song was absolutely PARAMOUNT to my coping and healing process. Although, truth be told, the whole album really was paramount to my coping and healing process, this song in particular became almost an anthem for me. I grew up listening to music by Dennis Jernigan and actually listened to this album significantly as a teenager. But I will tell you, I never truly understood the songs until now. The album itself is called Help Me to Remember, with an incredibly fitting subtitle of "Songs from the Father to Help You Find Comfort in Sorrow." I listened to the whole album on repeat for WEEKS. I would listen to it at work while I was doing paperwork. I would listen to it before I went to bed at night, with my iPhone sitting right beside my face on my pillow. I would listen to it in the car - absolutely constantly. When I would pray, I would find myself praying the lyrics to the songs in this album because quite frankly I didn't know how to pray or what words to even to say after our loss. "Rest In Me" helped me to indeed rest during a time when rest seemed impossible. 

There were some many other things and people that carried me as I struggled my way through that season of life. I will be forever indebted to those things and people. I hope that by sharing the music that spoke to me, others may also find comfort in sorrow.

Love,

Jess