I apologize my dear readers for my horrible absence over the last month. The third trimester of this pregnancy has been incredibly trying for me... Quite honestly, it's been the hardest of all the trimesters. Between a lung infection, sinus infections, and (dare I say it aloud) a recent battle with the flu, my blog has been put on the back burner as I've been trying to get myself well enough to function in society again. Not to mention all the business that comes with the holiday season.
This is a really strange time for me right now. Our baby girl is due in (gasp) 2 weeks and we've been attempting to ready ourselves for her arrival. Because I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant, I have been banned from flying home to Kansas for the holidays, so my sweet Kevin and I are spending (for the first time in our marriage) a Christmas with just the 2 of us. It's bittersweet. On the one hand, I'm excited for time with just me and my man, especially considering very soon time with just me and my man will be all but extinct. However, I miss my family. I miss them so much it hurts. I miss every one of them... My mother, my aunt, my sweet cousin gang (Crystal, Hope, Kenton, James), my step-father... All of them... I miss our traditions. I miss everything that is Christmas at home. This is the first Christmas without our matriarch, my grandmother, present as she went home to be with Jesus in August.... And I can't be there to hold my family. It's incredibly hard...
I think what's striking me today as being every bit as challenging as what was said above is that this should have been Sweet Pea's first Christmas. This time last year we were pregnant. This time last year we announced to the family about our precious Sweet Pea. This time last year our lives were irreversibly altered. I'm having a hard time processing it all... I'm having a hard time coping with the loss of our baby today... I tell you this because I want you to understand that almost a year later I still grieve the loss of my first baby... You don't just get over it and too many families remain silent about the heartbreak that is miscarriage. I want to shatter the silence.
BUT... for today, I want to tell you a hopeful story. After all, it is Christmas Eve and tomorrow is Christmas and what is Christmas if it is not hopeful? This is a story about Baby Blossom, our little girl who (Lord willing) will be making her way into this world very soon!
As you know from my previous posts, I didn't really put a whole lot of stock in waiting 2 cycles to 'try' to get pregnant after the D&C. The way I saw it, I didn't really have any control over when we would get pregnant anyway so why pretend? I figured it was in God's hands and his timing is perfect, regardless of what the doctors said. So Kevin and I made a decision together probably about a month after my D&C that over the period of my 2 obligatory cycles we would not actively 'try' to get pregnant, but we wouldn't prevent it either.
We found out we were expecting Baby Blossom on May 2nd, 2013. About 2 weeks prior to this date, something really miraculous happened. Now remember, by trait I am a board certified music therapist and I specialize in working with children with special needs. I specifically am housed in a decently sized pediatric therapy clinic where I have my own small treatment room with all of my equipment.
Well, on this particular day (as aforementioned about 2 weeks prior to May 2nd) I was standing outside my room eating a bag of popcorn when a little girl approached me. She was a former client of mine, but she seemed to struggle with recognizing me out of context. Once we had discontinued music therapy services, she rarely spoke to me... I don't believe it was anything malicious... I truly think she just didn't know who I was outside of my treatment room. Also, you should now that her speech was very labored and most times she was pretty difficult to understand.
But on this particular day something was different. As I stood outside my treatment room eating my popcorn, I saw her being escorted back to the front lobby with her speech therapist. The minute this little girl saw me, she ran up to me as fast as she could, she placed her hands on my stomach, started rubbing, and as clear as day said "Miss Jessica, Miss Jessica, you have a daughter in there."
I was shocked! I laughed a little and said "Well, the only thing that I know is in there right now is popcorn." She looked at me and said "No, you have a daughter in there." Her speech therapist then called her back so they could continue on to the lobby. The speech therapist looked at me after this occurred and said "Don't put any stock in what she says, you know how she is."
But I did put stock in what she said... because I don't think for a minute that message was from her. Two weeks later we found out we were expecting. At 20 weeks pregnant, we found out that we did indeed have a daughter in there. Those things cannot be coincidence. That was gift... A child's prophesy over my unborn baby.
And here we are at Christmas time, celebrating the birth of a savior baby... A savior baby who was prophesied about over and over and over.
Merry Christmas, my sweet reader.
Love,
Jess
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